M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
