I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
