i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
