Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Someone signed my nipple.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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