I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
