i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
