There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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