This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
