Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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