im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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