I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
