Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she peed on how many people?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
