Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
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How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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