omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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