no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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