Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
