Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
