i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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