I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I need a beard to bite.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
