Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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