I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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