I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
These tits shall not be calmed
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
