I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
