Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
