i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
