There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
