My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
