this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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