shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
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So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
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