If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
