Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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