I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
