i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
