Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
