i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it's not cheating when I paid for it
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
