She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
