Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
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I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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