guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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