I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
