they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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