let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
