I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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