This is not my ceiling
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
