69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
