I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
