I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
