He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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