I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
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A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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