it wasn't lemon gatorade
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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