I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
