Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
