Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize