Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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