Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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