I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
