Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i black out too much to be "responsible"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
