my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Let's get the cat blown out
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
