I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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