you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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